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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24591676">Of Friendship and Fantasies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hadithi/pseuds/Hadithi'>Hadithi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Connie Maheswaran, Genderfluid Steven Universe, Other, Pining, post- I Am My Monster, so much wlw pining, this is just pining the story</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:35:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,983</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24591676</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hadithi/pseuds/Hadithi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Steven has always been genderfluid, and Connie realizes that fantasizing about intensely making out with your partner when they're in girl-mode is actually not just gals being pals.</p><p>"Stars, it would have been funny if they had kissed. Connie thought about it for the next week as she tried to focus on school. She wouldn't mind at all if Steven kissed her as a girl. Steven was Steven after all. It'd be cute and silly if she did. She should tell Steven that - that if they kissed while in girl-mode it would be really cute and fun."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>233</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Of Friendship and Fantasies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Steven Universe was genderfluid, and that was just the way it had always been. There was nothing to do about it but take it in stride and Connie did -  the same way she accepted everything else about her best friend. There were days he was a boy, days she was a girl, and days where they were something else on the spectrum, and their body would shift accordingly with a polite request for a change in pronouns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, he was most often a boy, and was happy to have her default to that when talking about him when he wasn’t around. Yes, her best friend Steven Universe - </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> was very lovely. But when talking to Steven, she found that within a few months, even as a child, it became easy to keep up with his shifting gender. Sometimes Steven was they, and sometimes Steven was she, and that really didn’t matter in the slightest aside from the occasional silly misspeak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then their relationship turned romantic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was a bit of a bump, because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course</span>
  </em>
  <span> Connie loved Steven regardless of his body or gender, but she wasn’t entirely sure about the attraction part. Not that she had ever thought much about attraction, honestly. She was fifteen and up until it had started happening, having any kind of romantic partner had seemed such a long way off that there wasn’t much point in thinking about what the difference was between loving a friend and loving a partner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But after Steven’s breakdown, on one of his boy days, he had asked her if it would be alright if they kissed. Connie supposed this wasn’t the usual way stuff happened - it was odd for your partner to ask you to marry them before they asked you to kiss them. But that was the way Steven had done it, and they were half-dating already, and she was curious, so she agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he kissed her she thought she could have spent the rest of her life melted and happy in his warm arms, so she supposed that she was some kind of straight. She hadn’t been thinking a lot about labels. She was just enjoying him on his mattress, drifty and dreaming and happy not to think about studying for a little while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to kiss me when I’m not a boy,” he had whispered in between kisses. “It’s okay not to want me like that as a girl. We’ll just be best friends on days I’m not a boy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him. She hadn’t thought of that at all. Without thinking, she said the first thing that came to mind:  “If I really love you, shouldn’t I love all of you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure you do!” He laughed and kissed her cheek. “You always make me feel loved. You just don’t have to find girl-mode Steven sexy, okay? Don’t force it. I don’t want you to hate kissing me, or thinking about kissing boy-me when I’m a girl. Just do what feels right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connie followed that advice. Apparently, what felt right was a lot more kissing Steven in boy mode. Now that romance was an unavoidable part of her life, and varying levels of attraction and sexual activity appeared to be on the table, she tried to pay attention to her own feelings. She watched him lift heavy things with ease and she liked that. She liked the broadness to his shoulders. She liked the studieness of his frame - big and boxy and masculine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven was good to look at. He was good to touch. Now that she had a bit of experience, she found that the romance sections of her books made her heart flutter as she thought back to tackling Steven onto his bed mouth first. She found herself lying in her own bed and wistfully thinking about how nice it would be if he was allowed to be in her room with the door shut, and the kinds of things they might get up to when they were in private.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That all seemed very straight, so she ran down her mental checklist and ticked that off. Connie Maheswaran had made up her mind about sexuality - she liked boys. That was easy enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now she just had to keep her relationship with girl-mode Steven in the right order, because Steven had very specifically said not to try to force attraction to her. Of course, nonbinary days were very much up in the air, but they were very rare and leaned towards so masculine she could scarcely tell anyway, so there had never been much debate over whether they were allowed to be romantic on those days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But girl-mode. How to deal with that? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, Connie loved her partner in girl-mode just as dearly. Steven was taller as a girl, just by a couple inches. Her hair swept more to the side, a natural illusion of a side shave, and Steven tended to pop on a few clip-on earrings to accentuate her feminine features. Her face wasn’t too different - a bit slimmer, with softer curves that spoke of femininity. She was still a boxy wall, of course. Steven was always heavy, always blocky, but as a girl even loose clothes showed the curves of a heavy chest, a slight divot at the waist, and a curve to the butt and thighs that spoke to the more afab body she preferred on girl days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that she saw a lot of that body. Even less than boy-mode body, actually. On more than one occasion, Steven had gone to her dresser to dig out a pajama shirt and pants and Connie had respectfully averted her eyes as quickly as she could. The moment she caught a glimpse of the shape of her partner’s waist, a glance at the loose sports bra (always pink, Steven loved pink) that shaped and smoothed her chest, she would look away with an awkward feeling in her chest, anxiety in her belly, because it felt so weird to have anyone change in front of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She never understood how Steven or any other girl did it. All too often she would get changed in the bathroom stall instead of a locker room, just to avoid the weirdness of it all. But Connie had always preferred to avoid anything about romance and sex and bodies and nudity when she could, so that’s what she did - looking lazily out the window as Steven changed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other girl looked back at her with a laugh. “Seriously, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m happy being topless around you, flat chested or all boobed up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connie glanced quickly to be sure Steven was finished changing, then turned to face her. She posed on the bed, the picture of grace, prudishness, and elitism. “I am a dignified young lady, Ms. Universe. We should not go around topless. Fully clothed at all times. Sweaters, even. Snow pants. Don’t be perverted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No perversion here. Just girls being girls.” She teased as she crossed her arms beneath her chest, and it tugged the fabric down tight across it and Connie tried her best not to stare - because it was probably very rude and some kind of microaggression to stare at the boobs Steven felt more comfortable wearing today. “Popcorn. Talking about boys. Pillow fights.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connie raised her eyebrows, doing a pretentious, snobby accent. “How absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>reductive</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the female experience! Steven, as someone living in a house of nonbinary women, I expected much less sexism out of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I was a boy, I’d kiss you just to shut you up,” Steven said as she sat on the edge of her bed. She was grinning, and Connie was giddy at how much more smiley Steven was now that she had been going to therapy on the regular.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned back. “Oh, but you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>. So I guess I’ll just have to go on a rant about why my partner is a misogynist. Point one - as we all know, it’s illegal for feminists to wear pink. So your wardrobe is - Steven, no!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a mad grab for the edge of the bed, and for Connie’s waist. Unfortunately, all her physical training over the years was no match for Diamond strength, and she found herself dragged against Steven’s belly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Boy-mode Steven really would have used the opportunity to kiss her senseless. For a moment, with Steven looking down at her, she thought she was about to get a kiss anyway. But Steven was always aware of herself in girl-mode, so there wasn’t even an accidental peck on the lips, which was almost frustrating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> frustrating because Steven had decided that, without kissing, the alternative was to take advantage of her pushed-up shirt and scratch her nails along Connie’s stomach, pulling giggles from the smaller girl. That was utterly unfair, and Connie shoved at the immovable hands with an insulted gasp to show it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven wrapped her legs around Connie’s, her voice light and airy. “Oh yeah! Tickle fights. That’s another example of matriarchy thinking too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s patriarchy! Patriarchal!” she said through giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It really wasn’t fair that, even though they were nearly the same height, Steven’s thighs were muscular and fat and twice as thick, so just the act of curling her legs around Connie’s left her utterly stuck. It wasn’t fair that everything about Steven was bigger, down to the swell of her breasts on Connie’s back - that she couldn’t stop her thoughts from drifting from now that she was stuck against them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As a girl, Steven was no less strong, but her skin was softer. She wore the same perfume, but the smell of her skin underneath was lighter. Her voice smoother and higher, though still low and sweet in her ear. Connie was thankful for dark skin that hid her blush as she squeaked, “Cut it out! Your nails are too long! It’s too ticklish!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hand stilled on Connie’s belly, and Steven grinned down at her. Apparently, cut it out was not clear enough when it came to the idea of being untrapped, but Connie couldn’t manage to ask to be let go. Steven teased, “You asked for it. If I can’t kiss you when you’re making fun of me, how else am I supposed to stop you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was true. Steven definitely couldn’t kiss her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Because Connie was absolutely, utterly pinned. All those years of combat training meant nothing to gem-enhanced strength. Of course, it would be mean of Steven to kiss her like this. It would be absolutely cruel if her girl-mode partner brought her plush lips down on hers. Steven wasn’t mean, so she would never do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If she did, Connie really wouldn’t be able to do anything though. She was stuck. It would definitely be terrible if her partner took advantage of that, and they kissed, and Connie probably wouldn’t be able to do anything but kiss her back because it’d all be too overwhelming and confusing to think straight. So, Steven would obviously never do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connie swallowed the odd lump in her throat. “Getting kissed is way better than getting tickled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I guess you shouldn’t be mean when I can’t kiss you,” Steven said. She let Connie go, hopping to her feet with a happy hum, and immediately the fully human girl longed for the warmth that had left her size. “You choose the movie and I’ll choose the popcorn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stars, it would have been funny if they had kissed. Connie thought about it for the next week as she tried to focus on school. She wouldn't mind at all if Steven kissed her as a girl. Steven was Steven after all. It'd be cute and silly if she did. She should tell Steven that - that if they kissed while in girl-mode it would be really cute and fun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connie thought about it during class, her eyes glazing over during a math lecture she had already mastered. The end of her pen pressed to her lips in a fake kiss. It wasn’t weird to kiss her pen. She wasn’t uncomfortable. So it really shouldn’t be a big deal to kiss Steven just because she had her boobs on for the day, or something like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wondered if Steven would kiss any different as a girl, if they were really kissing and not just doing a fun peck (which was actually normal in other cultures, so they could definitely kiss on the cheek to say hi). Would she be gentler about kissing? But Steven's girl-mode wasn't really gentler. If anything boy-mode Steven was softer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So maybe girl-mode Steven would be the kind of person who would pounce on her neck like a vampire. She could see that. Or maybe she'd keep that kind of flirty tone. She'd kiss her really slow, until Connie was flustered and asking her to hurry up. Or maybe she'd be the shy type if Connie was interested, and her cool face would go all wide eyed and parted lips as Connie slowly leaned down and kissed her deep and slow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was fun to think about, was all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next time she saw Steven he was in boy-mode and she couldn’t keep her hands off him. The moment the gems left them alone she had climbed into his lap and kissed him, and heat bloomed in her chest and curled in her gut because he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>such</span>
  </em>
  <span> a good kisser. She’d been thinking about kissing all week, and his hands and his tongue practically burned wherever they touched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He panted between kisses, "Bad week or something?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I just couldn't stop thinking about you," she said, and that was true, because Steven was Steven no matter what his gender and she loved him no matter what. She always loved him. It didn’t even occur to her to bring up the fact that the thing she was thinking of was kissing </span>
  <em>
    <span>girl</span>
  </em>
  <span> Steven.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Honestly, she needed to stop thinking about kissing Steven in girl-mode, because her partner had specifically asked her not to force it. Thinking about it too much would be forcing it. Probably. Or not? Was there something wrong with fantasizing? Or maybe it was fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was fine. She just couldn’t force herself to be attracted to her. Connie should not have made herself like it by imagining her teeth clicking against Steven's earrings. She should not imagine Steven's pitched up sighs, even though they were so easy to imagine when she knew all her partner’s voices so well. Boy-mode Steven's moans were a rumble that shook through her chest and stoked heat in her belly, so she shouldn't imagine what the smoother, higher girl voice would sound like, even though it was effortless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was all too confusing and messy, especially when Steven had been very clear with how she wasn’t supposed to try to be attracted to her and do what came naturally and who cared if what came naturally was thinking about kissing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was probably some kind of problematic to think about Steven’s girl-mode body curving along her spine, Steven’s fingers sliding up to her chest, Steven’s feminine voice teasing lightly in her ear, </span>
  <em>
    <span>If you really want to know how to kiss, all you have to do is ask</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Her voice dropping to a low husk as her lips brushed her ear, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Do you think all straight girls fantasize about other girls like this, or are you special?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, geez. That was definitely problematic. That was some kind of… mental sexuality policing of other women or something. It was something. She went to Steven’s house and promised herself that she would ben a better person. She needed to stop being so curious. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> stop being curious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you think about kissing me when you're a girl?" Connie asked her girl-mode partner, because she was the stupidest person in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stood side by side, Steven sliding red peppers for their stir fry dinner while Connie whisked up sauce in a bowl. Tonight was date night, and though they weren’t kissing when Steven was in girl-mode, there was hardly any reason to let a good plan go to waste just because today happened to be a girl day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A flush spread across Steven’s cheeks as she looked down at the cutting board. Her voice was clear over the staccato click of steel on wood. "I mean, you're my girlfriend, right? It doesn't matter if I'm a guy or a girl. I think you're hot no matter what. It'd be weird if I didn't." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was enough to end it. No further questions needed. She should absolutely end it there and change the topic. Connie leaned closer to her partner, looking up under her lashes at the taller girl. "Is it different in your head? Kissing me when you're a girl?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her Adam's apple bobbed in her throat as her knife kept the steady pace. It was smaller, less defined in this body. Connie imagined stroking her finger across it and memorizing the different shapes her partner took. Her body was so versatile, so shifting, she was sure she could spend the rest of her life plotting the differences and never catalogue them all. Connie was so caught up in her daydreaming she nearly missed the quiet, "Yeah."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How?" she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Um." Steven breathed hard from her nose, her knuckles paling around the handle of the knife. "Slower. I imagine going slower. More sensual, I guess. I-I don't know. I just think a little differently when I'm a girl, I guess. That’s part of being a girl for me.” Her eyes slid to Connie, a little wide with nerves. “I shouldn't be detailed or anything. I don’t want to come off as pressuring you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's okay to tell me. I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>asking</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I won't freak out," Connie reassured, but maybe she shouldn’t ask at all. Maybe she should keep her mouth shut. If Steven asked her to stop, she would, but her partner hadn’t said that so there was no stopping the words that kept falling from her lips, "It's just interesting to think about. You know, what we would do if we were gay."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven set down the knife, laughing as she ducked her head and turned away from Connie. "I don't know if it's </span>
  <em>
    <span>interesting</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I… I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's right to think about that kind of stuff when you don't want it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What's wrong with fantasizing?" Connie retorted, indignation climbing up into her chest. There couldn’t be anything wrong or weird about fantasizing. She wouldn’t allow it. She almost spoke of her own kissing fantasies, and changed it right at the last moment - "Just because I've planned the perfect murder in my head doesn't mean I'm going to kill anyone."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Gem clean up crew?" Steven raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Psh." Connie waved her hand. Her partner truly was amateur hour when it came to planning crime. "You and the power of friendship. No - I use a warp whistle to send the corpse to a distant moon. No body no case."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned, and with the break in tension Steven was facing her again. She was so sweet - the most charming smile, the way her silver earrings shone in the afternoon sunlight. "Connie, there's a pretty big difference between planning a murder and thinking about kissing your straight best friend." Her brows furrowed. "While a girl. Even though you're not always a girl. Why is this harder than gem stuff?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connie giggled. "Steven, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>cannot </span>
  </em>
  <span>be that bad. Come on! I'm begging for it. Tell me all the juicy details of how you'd kiss me, and I'll use them on you next time you're in boy-mode or something."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked uncertain, murmuring, “Just tell me if it’s too weird, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connie nodded, and that was all the permission Steven needed. Her fingers moved slowly across Connie’s cheeks, until her chin was cradled in her partner’s palms.  Oddly, Connie found herself deliciously content to let the weight of her head rest there, to feel the warm softness of Steven’s hands almost romantically hold her steady.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven bit her lip, her head just slightly tilted down so their eyes met. Her voice was soft, not quite the hiss of a whisper - still smooth and sweet. “A big part of it would just be… I don’t know, holding you? I guess because I’d just feel amazed you’d let me touch you while I’m feeling… you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled, a wonderful warmth in her chest at the knowledge that Steven seemed so in awe of her. It would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>amazing</span>
  </em>
  <span> if she would let Steven touch her while Steven was a girl. She was letting Steven touch her while she was a girl. And, really, there was no reason to stop it. Every reason to encourage it .She twisted her head to tenderly kiss the base of her partner’s thumb. “You don’t need to be scared. Where’s that trademark Steven confidence?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have it for this.” Her eyes searched Connie’s face. “This isn’t like standing up to the Diamonds, or putting on a concert. I don’t know what’s the right thing to do. You’re saying it’s okay, but I don’t think I should touch you like this at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her stomach ached at the thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why</span>
  </em>
  <span> was it so hard to get Steven to touch her? What was wrong with finding comfort in her partner’s hands - girl or boy? She was so frustrating about this, and it was so terrifying to think that this could be the last time they did this, the last moment she got to look so closely at her gentle face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m telling you it’s okay,” Connie insisted. “Don’t hold yourself when I’m telling you that you don’t have to. Be who you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She confessed,  “I don’t think who I am is very good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re Steven Universe, savior of the galaxy.” She laughed and set her hands on Steven’s waist - though it took a second to find. She had to slip her hands past her trademark pink jacket, skim her palms over her ribs to find the right place to settle. Connie’s heart skipped a beat as the gentle touch made the bigger girl shiver. “What part of you isn’t good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m looking for signs that aren’t there.” She was whispering now. One hand fell from her face, resting on the counter beside her, half boxing her in. aAs Steven’s voice dropped lower, her face came nearer. “I shouldn’t be with you like this, not when I keep thinking about kissing you, and… and then you just have some magic realization, and you start slowly kissing me back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She swallowed as she remembered her own fantasies, another laughed slipping from her as she said, “I mean, who doesn’t think about that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m being serious,” Steven said firmly. She licked her lips, let her lower lip slide through her teeth as she stared down at Connie, and Connie barely suppressed a shiver of her own. “You’re my girlfriend. I love you. I think all the time about how you’d kiss me when I’m a girl. I can’t stop imagining how it’d be different. It’s so hard to go back and forth between you being my best friend and my girlfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could try being gay.” Connie whispered, without knowing what possessed her to say it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not how it works.” Steven chuckled, letting their foreheads come together as she continued, “Connie, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> you, even when I’m a girl. I think about how cute it would have been if I had tickled you and you begged to kiss me instead. I think about touching you, like a friend, just… lightly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven’s hand took her wrist, and they both stared in a kind of transfixed wonder as the larger girl twisted Connie’s wrist up, so her palm faced the ceiling. Fingers slid slowly over the sensitive, soft skin inside Connie’s forearm, and her throat tightened at the heat building in her stomach. Her heart started speeding, her head spinning as Steven’s nails reached the inside of her elbow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just imagine that the whole time your heart is pounding,” Steven murmured. “And it keeps building until you can’t take it anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-so, you’d be a slow kisser?” Connie whispered, and cursed the tremble in her voice, the tremble that was moving down her neck, that was picking up in the tips of her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I would. I mean, I know you want me as a boy.” Her eyes were dark, pupils blown wide as she tore her gaze away from Connie’s wrist, back up to her face. “I’d want to know how bad you wanted me as a girl. That’s how I dream about it. I just start things until you have to finish them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every big breath didn’t feel like enough. She could feel her chest heaving, and things only got worse as Steven’s gaze flicked down to it, even if only for a second. Of course Steven wanted her. Nothing about that changed in her partner from one day to the next. Connie was almost lightheaded, her skin tingling where Steven’s fingers had brushed even now that they had moved on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her head spun at the thought of it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wanting</span>
  </em>
  <span>. No, nothing had changed at all from her from the last time she was at Steven’s house. She was just as glad to imagine kissing Steven on the couch, no matter the shape her body took, but the words wouldn’t come out. When she spoke, it was silly. Stupid. But it was all she could manage. “I-I don’t get what you mean. Do you have more examples?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven swallowed and Connie’s heart strained against her clenching chest. Did she know? Had she figured it out? Steven’s eyes lowered, her voice a gentle yet nervous hum as she explained, “Yeah. Um, my hand on your back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was a little awkward as she plucked at Connie’s polo. The shirt easily came free, sliding against her oversensitive skin as it draped across her hips in a much messier style than before. Steven mumbled, “This actually might look better untucked. I’d say something like that, maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d believe that,” she giggled, a little anxious hiccup in it. “You’re terrible at fashion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven smiled shyly, and her fingers darted beneath the now loosened fabric. Connie couldn’t stifle the soft gasp as her thumb slid across the band of her high-waisted pants. There was still a callous there from the guitar, from ukulele, and the roughness was an almost overwhelming contrast against the smooth skin of her hip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven’s thumb dipped inside the waistband, her knuckle brushing against Connie’s navel before she tugged the front of her pants. Her voice was rough, now, nearly broken, and Connie could feel the hand gripping her pants shaking. “And I’d tell you something, like, I don’t know, I think these are too tight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bad pickup line,” Connie said, her voice just as cracked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if it works,” Steven retorted. She stiffened, froze in place. She was almost as still as a gem, every muscle locked in terror as she whispered, “Not that it would. Because you’re straight, and I’d never, ever push you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” Connie mumbled, her brows furrowing a little as she looked up at her partner. “You never asked me if I was straight. It’s kind of rude to assume.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” She pushed forward, gladly embracing the way their chests brushed up against each other. She savored getting on her tiptoes, the softness in her partner’s shoulders as Connie let her arms drape across her neck. And, in that moment, everything suddenly fell into place with a smile. “I never asked me either. I think I guessed the wrong answer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their lips met quietly in the kitchen, and were followed by two sighs of relief, then two sets of giggles. Strong hands on Connie’s hips lifted her, set her on the counter so that she had to bend slightly to keep kissing her partner. Steven hummed happily against her lips, and wrapped her arms loosely around Connie’s waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven was Steven, and they had kissed countless times before, so Connie quickly went to the objects of her fantasies. She shivered at Steven’s higher whines as teeth danced around the clip-on earrings, as fingers slowly crept up from ribs to the swell of her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then a cheery voice called, “Oh, hello, girls!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Connie winced, closing her eyes as heat rose to her cheeks. Her whole body cringed as she stared at the microwave, letting Steven deal with the situation instead. She laughed and said, half-groaning, “Heeeey, Pearl. We were just working on dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t stop on my account.” Pearl waved them on brightly as she moved from the portal to the front door. “I’m just passing through. You two enjoy your meal and your kissing. I know that’s what humans love to do - eat and kiss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven pulled away to lean against the fridge, watching as Pearl vanished as swiftly as she came. Then her eyes fell back to Connie, and her lips formed the prettiest pout as she blew a single rowdy curl out of her face. “So, uh, you’re not straight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned, hopping off the counter. Her teeth found her lower lip as she giddily picked up Steven’s knife, getting back to work on dinner while her heart fluttered in her chest. “Oh, come on, Steven. I’m just some kind of bisexual. It’s not that big of a deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped up behind Connie, her voice somewhere between flirtatious and overjoyed. “Oh yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Just means you can kiss me whenever you like.” She winked playfully at her partner and ran a finger down her nose. “Take it in stride, Steven. It’s your turn for once.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Gender and sexuality can be confusing as fuck, and sometimes it takes a while to stumble into the right answers. So whether you're like Steven and you've got your gender and sexuality sorted out early, or like Connie and it takes a little longer to figure out what's going on inside your head...</p><p>HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! </p><p>We're all beautiful, valid and lovable. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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